SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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