Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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