I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
