I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
