I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
