Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
