Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love having hate sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
BRING THE BAGELS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
