oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
