Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
