So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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