she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
