I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
