My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
