I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
