That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
