4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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