$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My penis needs a shock collar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
