At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Small penises have feelings too.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
