bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
