now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
