She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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