no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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