At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Panties = found
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