this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
