Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm like, not good at living.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
