You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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