I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
