Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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