so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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