Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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