Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You took a bar mat shot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
