Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
