I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
