If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
