i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
