And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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