My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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