I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
