shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
