Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
