And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
