We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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