we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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