i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
