just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
