um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
