we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
