K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
