There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
