Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
