i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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