You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
