hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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