I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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