i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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